it started with grief.
it started with the grief that comes from a recent loss
steeling yourself for the reminders that sneak up on you.
preparing for how different your life is going to be now,
the new normal of grief.

it is not enough.
it will never be enough
to take His body—

God, the corpse.

we have not stopped spinning
since the moment Your voice
called us into action

for You are life.
Your voice compelled us
to bring forth life
and we revel in that life

today--
I know, this day
will be remembered
for Your divine purpose
(that i cannot begin to understand)
i know, others question
their God
our God,
You

what wonder
that here
i have seen
salvation.

here, in death
here, in judgement
here, in the least of all possible places
here You are

i have been condemned
justly

what you have to do
is remember
that they deserve this.

even if you do not know why
even if you wonder if they really--

yes.
they do.

He didn't really speak to us.
...did He?

there is no one
who speaks to us
except
to shoo us away

i do not want
any part of this.

i came to be a witness
to speak to the horrors
so that when they pretend
all was right
i can speak
and tell what i saw
tell how i saw innocence die.

the energy is electrifying

i cannot describe
the swell
the movement
the rhythm

i first saw the crowd
early in the week
shouting "hosanna!"
"save us!"

it is amazing;
the things
that become
normal.

5. Pilate

all of it is smoke and mirrors.
law.  judgement.  righteousness.
me.

you look to us and see power--
but what power do i have
if i cannot save the life
of an innocent man?

all of this is too much for me.
what was i supposed to do?

4. Peter

i will never forget the day
You said
that i was the rock
upon which You would build Your church.

i have seared it into me
to serve as armor
to protect me from my fear.

3. a member of the council

it is a strange and heavy thing
to be entrusted with the sacred.
to hold tradition and revelation
history and creativity
for this beautiful and strange group
we call
"Your people".

2. Judas

here is my confession:

You are my God
and
it was so easy to
betray You.

perhaps because
i am so practiced at it.

1. a son of Zebedee

please
do not speak to me
if you do not know--

don't you dare judge me
(i do enough of that myself)
unless you have felt--

i didn't know.
we so rarely get to know.