Tempted to Doubt | Monday Invocation
“Jesus knew exactly who he was, and everyone else could take it or leave it; their belief in his identity did not change who he was.”
Kimberlee Anderson-Diaz
As a Queer person, Lent is challenging. This week's scriptures focus on sin, temptation, and confession: topics frequently weaponized against the LGBTQIA2S+ community. Our very identities are seen as sin; loving relationships rebranded as temptation; and confession twisted into a time where we are encouraged to turn against our very selves. As I read these scriptures, I felt a pit in my stomach—the weight of the Church’s abuse heavy in my soul. What good fruit could come from returning to these stories?
Matthew 4:1-11 tells a vivid story of the devil tempting a starving Jesus. In the first two tests, the devil asks Jesus to prove that he is the Son of God. In the final test, the devil asks Jesus to reject his identity as the Son of God. The devil is tempting Jesus to doubt Jesus’ very identity.
What would be wrong with Jesus proving his identity as the Son of God? Perhaps nothing. But the point is that Jesus didn’t have to prove anything. Jesus knew exactly who he was, and everyone else could take it or leave it; their belief in his identity did not change who he was.
When I started to come out, I had already been in a committed same-sex relationship for several years. One person's response to my coming out still sticks with me: “I know you’ve said you two are in a relationship, but I just have trouble believing it because I’ve never heard either of you describe yourselves as lesbians.” As a bisexual woman, I have never identified as a lesbian because that wouldn’t be true to who I am. But this person was putting my Queerness to a litmus test.
It can certainly be tempting to want to prove our Queerness...or even our Christianness. This becomes especially difficult when we’re presented with limited options for what these labels look like. We may start to doubt ourselves, our identities, even our belovedness.
This passage from Matthew challenges us this Lenten season to resist the temptation of self-doubt, to hold fast to who we know ourselves to be, and to trust that we are each a part of God’s beloved creation—we don't have to prove anything to anyone. Sounds like good fruit to me.
Join a Lenten Community Group!
Are you looking to join a weekly group discussing the scripture passages surrounding Lent this year? Join one of our Lenten Reflections Community Groups! We have 3 groups to choose from, which includes a group for Deconstructing Lent. You can see more information and sign up at the link below!
