Immediately, while he was still speaking, Judas, one of the twelve, arrived; and with him there was a crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests, the scribes, and the elders. Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, ‘The one I will kiss is the man; arrest him and lead him away under guard.’ So when he came, he went up to him at once and said, ‘Rabbi!’ and kissed him. Then they laid hands on him and arrested him.
Mark 14: 43-46 (NRSV)
here is my confession:
You are my God
it was so easy to
i am so practiced at it.
that we can profess You as Lord
and still betray You.
in how we pretend not to hear Your commands
how we turn our eyes away from the sights that will change us
how we fight to be the best
how we doubt--oh, how we doubt--without bringing those doubts to You,
until those doubts spiral
and convince us of our unbelief
until we make choices
we cannot take back.
at least i am done now.
at least here is where it stops for me.
the truth i could never tell You is this:
i could never bring myself to believe
that You would forgive
any of my small, everyday
Your words were harsh--the narrow gate,
the sheep and the goats,
and i knew which side i landed on.
i could believe those words
before i could believe that You came that i might have life
and have it abundantly.
absolve me of my true sin:
the sin of never letting You in
never trusting You enough to
be willing to believe
that You could love me,
Good Shepherd, You do not come to kill and destroy, but to lay down Your life for us. Help us to accept Your wondrous love and bring our fears, insecurities and doubts to You, so that our relationship with You might deepen and bear good fruit. Amen.
Slats (they/them/theirs) is a queer/trans/nonbinary Presbyterian (PCUSA). They hold a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Drama and a Master of Divinity and they deeply love liturgy and hymnody. They write, preach, teach and often work as a director and sound designer for live theater. They are currently in the ordination process, and spend much of their time working toward claiming queer/trans space in Christianity.