3 Things Allyship Requires
Over the last few years, we’ve published Affirmation and Relational Guides as free, downloadable resources. Each of these resources features practical steps and information that can be used for individual growth, the pursuit of relational justice, and sustainable community-building. Today, we’re highlighting another chapter from our Relational Guide for Allies featuring Amy Hayes.
Sharing from her own journey, Amy helpfully outlines a 3 things required by the pursuit of allyship. Heeding the call to support and advocate for your LGBTQ+ siblings is no easy task, but it is wholly worthwhile. This brief list of reminders can apply to all of us, LGBTQ+ people included. Keep reading for Amy’s gracious, thoughtful guidance.
The title “ally” is not for me or you to claim. Attempting to do so reduces the work of allyship to commerce, in which we trade in our activism for acclaim, our sacrifices for status. At some point or another, we all fall prey to our own pride, and the antidote is simple if hard:
“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13 NRSV)
So, if the work of allyship is love in action without regard for recognition, then what must we lay down? I’m so glad you asked.
Our resources.
As in energy, time, and money. You’ll need to expend all three to educate yourself on what your cisgender, heterosexual privilege has shielded you from knowing until now. How has the church and state historically marginalized LGBTQ+ people? What current issues of discrimination and prejudice does the queer community currently face? An old rabbinic story sums up this kind of research thusly: How can you love me if you don’t know what hurts me?
Our comfort.
If you’ve ever been the only one in a group not to chuckle at a sexist or racist joke, then you know what I’m talking about here. Confronting homophobia and transphobia in others, even if only with stony silence after hateful punchlines, is not usually a pleasant experience. Especially if you’re a peacekeeper who prefers not to ruffle any feathers. Ruffle them anyway. Sometimes the most Christlike thing we can do is cause a scene. (See Mark 11:15-18 for Jesus’ one-man riot.) Your discomfort is worth LGBTQ+ people’s safety.
Our pride.
I’ll say it again: nobody likes being corrected. But allyship requires us to put our big britches on and actively invite the queer people in our lives to give us feedback. Don’t make the mistake of valuing your own self-conception as an ally (like I did) over actual connection with your LGBTQ+ loved ones. As the marginalized group in this situation, they are the ones with the authority to say what is and isn’t allyship. Pro tip: When a queer person ventures to correct you, more often than not the best response isn’t “I’m sorry” but rather “Thank you.” Try it out!
This process of laying down our resources, comfort, and pride is not one and done, unfortunately. I think of it as an expression of metanoia, which is the practice of continual repentance. And it’s also only the foundation of allyship.
We lay down so that we can stand up—for the LGBTQ+ community, starting with the most marginalized.
Where to Go From Here
Beyond reading and internalizing this information, we encourage you to share it with pastors and faith leaders in your life who could benefit from this fantastic resource. This is just one chapter from an amazing resource—and the entire thing is completely free! Visit the link below to learn more and download the Relational Guide for Allies featuring Amy Hayes.
Are you the parent of an LGBTQ+ child?
We’re so glad you’re here! We have resources, an annual gathering, and regular online opportunities to connect available for you. Visit the link below to sign up for our annual Parent & Family Summit, meet our Parent Team, and sign up for our drop-in Support Group.
Are you a pastor, minister, or clergy member?
In addition to Community Groups intended to support pastors and seminarians in their ministry, QCF published a Relational Guide for Clergy featuring Rev. Danny Cortez, available in English and Spanish. Like our Relational Guide for Allies, it is completely free to download. Visit the link below to learn more!
