Q Chats

Q Chats | Sexual Ethics | Week 2 (Part 2)

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Q Christian is a community comprised of people with diverse backgrounds, differing theological beliefs, and a variety of ethics. Q Chats are designed to be a deep dive into self-discovery by learning from one another, and spiritually growing side-by-side. Q Chats cannot be effective without you! We invite you to participate. Share your thoughts, stories, and perspectives. Your influential voice can make a difference in the lives of others.

Want to learn more about the people behind the perspectives? Read more.


Has shame affected your sexuality and/or sexual ethic? If so, how and what did you do to overcome the effects of shame? If you’re still working through it, what are you doing?


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David Khalaf

Shame has been very much part of my narrative, and it has been a fuel that has prompted me to express my sexuality in a lot of unhealthy ways. By its nature, shame wants us to turn inward and hide, and the more we cover that part of us that feels broken or perverse, the more power shame has over us. Overcoming shame, then, requires us to do exactly that opposite of what shame tells us: We must force ourselves to be vulnerable and seen by others. Expressing our shame to people we trust and receiving their support and unconditional love shines a light on shame and causes it to wither. Not everyone in our lives will have the capacity to affirm us, which is why it's so important to find a circle of people with whom we can be vulnerable and truly seen.


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Constantino Khalaf

My experience might be different from that of most LGBTQ Christians. I can honestly say shame has never informed my views of sex. My ethics have evolved with age and experience, but what has remained constant is the belief that sex—as long as it is consensual—is a good and healthy part of the human experience.


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Shane Bauman

Shame has deeply affected my experience of my sexuality.  It wasn’t until I was 32 that I accepted my sexuality and believed that God would bless my relationship with a man.  Until that time any sermon, song or discussion about repentance always led me to praying to God to heal me from my perceived sexual brokenness.  During my dating relationship with my now husband I went through stages of fear and doubt. I was very grateful for his loving support. I am glad to say that by the time we reached marriage I felt confident that God was in our relationship and celebrating with us.  I have been married 9 years now and I can wholeheartedly say that God is with us. In my husband’s embrace I feel the embrace of God.

I will add that pornography has been a destructive force in my life and has added a lot of shame, even up until today.  I believe that sex should be about love and caring for your partner. It should be more about giving rather than taking.  Pornography for me is the exact opposite. It is about consuming others and using them for my own pleasure. It grows selfishness in me.


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Sam Locke

Luckily, shame has not been a major influencer on my sexuality or acceptance thereof. I recognize the privileged position this comes from - I didn’t fully wrestle with my sexuality until I was a well-established adult. As such, shame to meet the expectations of others was never a real factor for me. I also grew up in an environment where sexuality wasn’t shamed; it just wasn’t talked about at all which is perhaps a familiar experience for other mainline Protestants. The end result was ignorance (related to both the “nuts and bolts” and nuances of sexuality) more than shame, which comes with a host of problems of its own to resolve.


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Isaac Archuleta

Of course! I had a purity ring that I gave to my first girlfriend and high school sweetheart after our first sexual rendezvous. I remember looking at myself in the mirror while shame settled into my body after it had dawned on me that I was no longer a virgin. I was a 17-year-old who had planned to wait until marriage, I thought I was damaged goods. And when I started to focus on same-gender attractions happening in my body, I felt even more damaged. In college, I soothed the pain of feeling damaged by trying to sleep with those who could prove to me that I wasn’t. I made a lot of poor decisions out of shame. I spent many hours with my therapist and examining my emotional cravings to overcome my shame. Realizing that my desires were pure was a major revelation that helped me peel the layers of shame away.


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Nathanial Green

Shame has certainly played a role in diminishing my personal flourishing, and in a strange sense, it wasn’t the baggage of religious strictures. Even before I was comfortable enough to come out, the conservative ethic I held had fallen away. It didn’t take long. It was after coming out that shame around my body began to take a deeper hold on my psyche. Honestly? I’m still working through it. I’m a big believer in body positivity and the eradication of fat-phobic and ableist ways of denigrating our beautiful bodies. Shame around one’s body has profound impact on one’s ability to engage in liberated sexuality, and I’ve experienced this in my own life. My ethic changed quickly and without much effort–it had always seemed inadequate–but now, the hard work of dismantling the harmful way I see myself is only just beginning.

Q Chats | Sexual Ethics | Week 2 (Part 1)

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Q Christian is a community comprised of people with diverse backgrounds, differing theological beliefs, and a variety of ethics. Q Chats are designed to be a deep dive into self-discovery by learning from one another, and spiritually growing side-by-side. Q Chats cannot be effective without you! We invite you to participate. Share your thoughts, stories, and perspectives. Your influential voice can make a difference in the lives of others.

Want to learn more about the people behind the perspectives? Read more.


Has shame affected your sexuality and/or sexual ethic? If so, how? And what did you do to overcome the effects of shame? If you’re still working through it, what are you doing?


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Matthias Roberts

Shame and sexuality are inextricably tied. Shame is not something to overcome so much as it is something to embrace: what does our shame tell us about ourselves? Pay attention, because those messages show us parts of ourselves which need tending and care. Learning to tend and care for those parts, the parts that feel isolated and unworthy and unwelcome, is a lifelong process and is something that cannot be done in isolation.


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Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers

I had the good fortune to grow up in a Swedish-American home that was very open about sexual education and conversations around sexuality. There has been a long history of this openness in my family going back at least three generations. I say this to illustrate that I didn’t experience much shame around my sexuality and I didn’t experience my parents, grandparents, or aunts and uncles having shame around their sexuality either. I listened to my relatives discuss sexuality as well as explain things to me often. It felt as common as a conversation about how to be healthy, how to cook good food, or how to tease each other. It was lighthearted and very much woven into the other conversations that were happening around me and with me. I was well into my 30s before it dawned on me what an odd experience I had growing up in a family like this.

Now, this is not to say that I did not absorb all kinds of messages about gender (what it means to be a “girl” or “woman”) or about bodies (what type of female body was “the best” or “preferred”). There were plenty of those messages coming from my family and from culture that I absorbed. So, where I felt shame or unworthiness was around not having the body type that was preferable. My mother was a runway model when she was young, while I spent my childhood and a chunk of adolescence training for the Olympics as a figure skater. I was built like my father with quarterback quads and gluts which were great for skating, but definitely not the commercialized twiggy body. My mother did not understand my body and began putting me on diets as young as age seven. This unfortunately would later go on to cause a serious metabolic disorder and many more years to practice facing down shame.

I feel very fortunate to have grown up in a family that was comfortable and fairly knowledgeable around the topic of sexuality. This was a gift beyond measure. This gift made the extreme sexual shame suffered by many who had experienced abstinence education and/or the purity movement all the more stark and deeply sad to me. I believed in every part of my being that God had given us our sexuality as a powerful place to know our belovedness and to share that love w another. I believed sex was to be a healing force in our lives.

Working with people who have suffered sexual shame or religious sexual trauma, I invite them to begin the healing process through a model I call Healing the M.E.S.S. – Model for Erasing Sexual Shame. In this model, you first begin to get yourself the sex education you were never granted. This helps a person begin to see God’s incredible attention to detail in how we are designed to experience connection and pleasure. I call this FRAME – giving yourself a frame of sexual education by which to build a healthy sexual ethic and experience sexuality in a way that honors you. Next, I encourage people to NAME – begin to tell their story of what it was like to grow up in their household, specifically around sexuality and pleasure. When we share our story in the company of compassionate others, it helps shame begin to dissipate. I will often recommend that people read my book (Sex, God & the Conservative Church – Erasing Sexual Shame) in a book group as a place to facilitate these conversations. Third (though you don’t work these steps in a linear fashion – but rather in a circular fashion, over and over one leading to the next, leading you back to the first, etc.) you begin to work on claiming your body as a good thing – just as it is. This process I call CLAIM. It is so important that we work to stand up against all the lies of our consumer culture about bodies, and instead advocate for the beauty and diversity that is us and our fellow humans. As you might imagine, this is the area where I have had to work the hardest. Traveling in other countries, going to clothing optional spas and beaches, being in other cultures, allowing in my partner’s love for my body have all helped me to appreciate the diversity and beauty of bodies and the wonder of God’s creation. It has helped me separate myself from the hurtful messages of our consumer culture and see myself and my body as a gift.

The fourth area I invite people into when healing sexual shame is AIM. As we FRAME, NAME, and CLAIM, we will find that we are beginning to aim toward a new and revised sexual ethic and sexual legacy. As shame dissipates, in its place will be a solid sense of who we are sexually and how we want that to show up in our lives. As your relationship to your own sexuality changes, this will also influence how you relate to others. You will find that a new sexual legacy is emerging – one not filled with shame, but instead filled with what feels solid, pleasing, and honoring to you.


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Tonetta Landis-Aina

Shame definitely has, and to an extent still does, affect the expression of my sexuality. I was raised in a family and church culture in which the body was a contested site. You were to take care of it because it was God’s temple, but it was also the source of bodily functions which were to be hidden as well as the root of sexual feelings that were tempting at best and defiling at worst. I’m still very much learning to love my body for all that it is and does and I’m still learning to embrace my sexuality as a part of my morning, noon, and night experience. I certainly cannot say that I’ve overcome the effects of shame. Every day I work on incorporating into conversation what my body does and what my body needs with those close to me.

Essentially, I am trying to practice what still some days feels like a stretch for me: that my body is me and that the way I, as an inspirited body, show up every day is not good or bad but simply human. Even getting to this point has taken two seminary classes on sexuality and sexual ethics and lots of reading. I also find it extremely helpful to make a regular practice of meeting with a counselor who can help me navigate my own shame and recover from it.

(*Farley, Margaret A. Just Love: A Framework for Christian Sexual Ethics. New York: Continuum International Pub. Group, 2008. Print.)


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Brian Murphy

Absolutely. For the first few years after I came out, shame around sexuality — sexuality in general and my queerness in particular — made it difficult for me to articulate my desires and so I often stumbled into them unprepared — at parties, while drinking, late at night after months of abstinence. In hindsight, most (but certainly not all) of my romantic and sexual experiences in those early years were positive. But at the time, my shame told me to judge them. You should feel bad about that blowjob, you shouldn’t have slept with that guy you’re dating so soon, God doesn’t want you to be gay so you should break up with this really sweet guy.

Taking a break from “trying to figure it out” when it came to my faith and sexuality was an important step, being around secular queer folks and queer folks of faith who were already comfortable in their sexuality, being gentle with myself, reading not just academic books about “Homosexuality and the Bible” or whatever but also reading poetry and novels. Allowing myself to dream about a future where I was happy and fulfilled and fully my queer Christian self even if I didn’t quite know the exact steps to take yet.


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Bukola Landis-Aina

Like many, I had been taught that both sex before marriage and homosexuality were sinful.  After years of staunchly shutting down the possibility of sexual encounters with men, I tumbled headlong into relationship with a woman with little resistance.  It was not what I had been tempted by and guarding against for all those years. So this led to overwhelming shame attacks and in response I would cut things off with my girlfriend.  I finally had to have a major come to Jesus moment and with prayer and reminding myself of God’s promises that nothing could ever separate me from the love of God, ever, ever, ever... eventually, I felt at peace about my decision to pursue the relationship despite continued turmoil over my unsettled and unsettling changes in theology, sexual ethics and not to mention my closeted relationship.

Q Chats | Sexual Ethics | Week 1

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Q Christian is a community comprised of people with diverse backgrounds, differing theological beliefs, and a variety of ethics. Q Chats are designed to be a deep dive into self-discovery by learning from one another, and spiritually growing side-by-side. Q Chats cannot be effective without you! We invite you to participate. Share your thoughts, stories, and perspectives. Your influential voice can make a difference in the lives of others.

Want to learn more about the people behind the perspectives? Read more.


How would you briefly describe your viewpoint(s) related to sexual ethics?


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Matthias Roberts

I believe that sex ultimately is about connection and pleasure. It’s one of the most powerful means we have to connect with other people, physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. Yet, it can also be used as a means of disconnection: a way to avoid vulnerability, difficult feelings, heartbreak, and any number of things. My guiding questions are: what am I avoiding by jumping into bed? Will this be life-giving for me and the person/people I am with? Once the initial pleasure has disappeared, will I still consider this a good experience? Or will I regret it? I think we often know the answers to those questions immediately. Whether we listen to our own wisdom is another story.


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Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers

Our personal sexual ethic, I believe, is something that we each need to ponder and define for ourselves out of our values and beliefs. My sexual ethic flows out of my desire to be a force for love and justice in the world – something that is very much inspired by my faith. With this in mind, I believe my sexuality (behavior and thoughts) needs to honor me as a beloved child of God, an other (if an other is involved) as a beloved child of God, and honor my faith-based values of love, justice, and grace. This means that I want to hold myself accountable - that as I practice my sexuality I want it to serve love, justice and grace – for myself and for the other.


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David Khalaf

Many of us come from rule-based Christian backgrounds, and so I think we tend to want clear instruction on how to live out a healthy, God-honoring sexuality. Although it would be easier if we knew exactly what we can and can't do, this approach will eventually devolve into the kind of legalism our faith has meant to free us from. Instead, it's important for us to search earnestly and honestly to discern and develop our own sexual ethics. When seeking answers about a specific action or choice, it may be helpful to ask questions such as: "Is this something that shows healthy, respectful love to both me and another person?" "Is this something that is contributing toward a world integrated by divine love?"


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Constantino Khalaf

An old euphemism for sex is "conversation." I believe that's insightful, as I believe sex is ultimately a means of communication. We use sex to say a number of things—from "I'm lonely" to "I love you," from "I'm yours" to "I have power over you." In my opinion, a sound sexual ethic is one that examines what one wishes to convey through sex—one that asks, "What am I saying when I have sex? Is it a message of self-integration, or of disintegration?"


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Tonetta Landis-Aina

My sexual ethic is rooted in the understanding that sexuality is a gift from God and that so much of the physically and emotionally sensing ways we exist in the world are a part of our sexuality. Thus, all the ways that we express our sexuality everyday are also a gift. My sexual ethic is also informed by a belief that idolatry and inhumanity are the twin evils toward which human beings gravitate. The profound existential question that Cain asks God in Genesis 4:9 – “Am I my brother’s keeper?” – provides a lens through which I believe we should engage all ethics including sexual ethics. I believe the intended response to that question for humanity to be a resounding “yes” and a strong antidote to the pull toward inhumanity. Because I believe that we are to be the keepers of our siblings in the human family -- a concept remixed in the Bible as neighbor love – I believe that in all our sexual relationships Christians should strive for a justice inclusive of consent, mutuality, equality, commitment, and fruitfulness. In my view, a Christian sexual ethic should also be framed within the context of covenant which demands something more layered than a simple commitment. Although I waited until I was married to engage in sexual activity in the way many people conceive of it, I believe that such an ethic can be met outside of marriage. Whether it is more difficult to meet such an ethic apart from marriage is a question with which I am still wrestling. Finally, I strongly believe that a Christian sexual ethic should be countercultural in ways that witness to the kingdom of God. What is countercultural will vary depending on the context and requires personal and communal discernment in concert with the Holy Spirit.


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Melinda Melone

Ethics for me start with, “Love God and love your neighbor as yourself.” I want to do what’s pleasing to God, and I wouldn’t want to be judged or have assumptions made about me, so I try not to do so to others. After that, specifically sexual ethics derive from what I believe the purposes of human sexual behavior are, based on Scripture: to create life, to unify a husband and wife; to express joy in creation, as seen in the beloved other; and to provide a concrete metaphor for God’s love for us.


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Brian Murphy

I want to have sexual relationships that are grounded in consent, communication, honesty, trust, care, and consideration. I judge the “tree” of sexual ethics by the “fruit” that it bears (Matthew 7).

I’m concerned about the impact of ethics and not so much the structure of the interaction (important reminder: married, monogamous sex can still be coercive, violent, or abusive).

There’s of course space for gentle sex with your monogamously married spouse. And there’s also space for anonymous one-night stands, friends with benefits, kinky sex, and polyamorous relationships. Some of my deepest friendships started off as hookups.

I don’t find “Do this, don’t this” or “Wait until X for Y” to be helpful. Instead, I ask, Do we see each other, are we present with each other, are we taking care of each other, do we leave the other fulfilled and respected?


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Bukola Landis-Aina

My understanding of sex is that it has emotional, physical and spiritual significance and so it makes sense to me to preserve this level of vulnerability for relationships that are loving, committed, and ideally covenential.  Covenant should be modeled off of God’s commitment to love and care for us and to never leave or forsake us. I believe that it is wise, though not a mandate, to preserve sex for marriage. I do not consider my views on sex to be set in stone in any way and I consider evolution on these issues to signify growth.


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Shane Bauman

I believe that sex creates a bond between people and so to honour the connective power of sex we should seek to have sex in a context that will support the bond that is created.  This is the idea of “one flesh” that appears in Genesis, the words of Jesus and the teachings of Paul. My husband and I personally chose to wait until marriage to have sex.

Just because sex connects people I don’t think that everyone who has sex should get married.  Jesus’s teaching on “one flesh” highlights that there are reasons why the bond created in sex should be broken.  However, he also highlights that we should not be cavalier in breaking this bond and so by extension I believe we should not be cavalier in creating the bond.

My husband and I are monogamous and plan to stay that way.  I am still working out my thoughts on polyamory but so far I don’t see any conflict between my understanding of sex and polyamorous relationships that also seek to honour the connective power of sex.


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Sam Locke

Recognizing that Jesus says little about sexual ethics, it is left to individuals and voluntary faith (and other) communities to define this for themselves. For me, universal requirements are consent (including age) and physical/mental safety. Otherwise, consenting adults should be left to freely covenant with other consenting adults whatever parameters they desire for themselves, recognizing it as a personal choice and not as prescriptive for an entire community. This is why I think Q’s centered set of sexual ethics is so helpful - people can disagree in practice but agree in principle.


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Isaac Archuleta

I like to follow the mantra: Is my sexual behavior creating union (with myself and my partner) or separateness? Before finding my partner, I considered it highly necessary to have a completely honest and transparent communication style with my sexual partner(s). Joe and I are a monogamous couple, both of us holding to my mantra, seeking newness to keep things fresh and exciting, and practicing verbal vulnerability to keep the sex-improving communication flowing. I do not believe that premarital sex is unethical. Although monogamy is what we have determined works best for us, I do not think it is unethical to be in an open relationship or polyamorous. I would, however, encourage all people to consider or identify if shame is somehow efficacious in their sexual and/or relational decision-making. I believe we can make what feels like good sexual decisions out of shame.


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Nathanial Green

At the heart of my sexual ethic is liberation–inherent to love, reciprocity, justice, consent, and all guiding virtues fundamental to a healthy expression of sexuality is liberation. This is an individual and collective reality, as sex is similarly an issue of justice. Historically, sex has been used as a tool of oppression by patriarchal systems bent on subjugating women and suppressing minority identities. I believe authentically embracing my sexuality as a queer individual is an act of resistance to cycles of injustice. In practice, I believe liberation looks like healthy, consensual sex between adults even if not married.  I believe it looks like LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education in schools (and even churches). If the sex is just, equitable, reciprocal, and consensual, I believe it is a holy encounter grounded in our liberation.

Q Chats | Sexual Ethics | Contributors

Welcome to Q Chats, a way for members of the Q Christian community to engage with prompts, concepts, and thoughts! Want to learn more about the contributors? Read on to learn more about the people behind the perspectives you will hear this month.


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Matthias Roberts

Matthias Roberts is a writer, therapist, and host of Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being. His work has been featured in HuffPost Religion, Believe Out Loud, OnFaith, and The Seattle Times. He holds an MA in Theology and Culture and an MA in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. Matthias is currently finishing his first book, an exploration of sexual shame and sexual ethics which is set to release on Fortress Press in early 2020. He lives in Seattle and spends his time helping LGBTQ people of faith and allies live confidently.


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Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers

Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers is a nationally known speaker on religious sexual shame. She is associate professor of sexuality and director of medical family therapy in the Department of Psychology, Family and Community at Seattle Pacific University, in Seattle, Washington. Tina serves on the board of The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, and is a Co-Creator of She Is Called – a Leadership Collective for Women. As a preeminent voice on purity culture and Hebrew Mystic Sexuality, Dr. Sellers is frequently featured on podcasts, TV, documentaries, articles and radio, including Spirituality & Health magazine, and NPR’s All Things Considered. In her acclaimed 2017 book, Sex, God and the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy, Dr. Sellers reveals how the western conservative church in collusion with consumer driven culture and politics, has infiltrated our core ability to attach to our partners, and instruct our children to attach to theirs. Similar to the ItGetsBetter Project, Tina developed the website, ThankGodForSex.org, where people can find videos of individuals who were effected by abstinence education and the purity movement who have found healing through therapy and other forms of emotional care. Professionals and the public will find free resources on both her personal and the institute websites. www.TinaSchermerSellers.com, www.InstituteOnIntimacy.com. She can also be followed on Instagram @DrTinaShamelessSex or Twitter @TinaSSellers.


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David Khalaf

Although he grew up in a Christian household in Southern California, David truly came to know Christ only sometime after college. After searching for truth during years of reparative therapy, David came to understand God's love and grace as something even more radical than he had ever imagined. Years more of study, prayer, and discussion softened his heart for relationship. It was around that time that Constantino came along. David likes to think he's come a long way, but God annoyingly reminds him that he still has lots of growth to do.

David studied journalism and creative writing in college, and is currently writing a fantasy series based in 1930s Hollywood. He loves his family and is utterly obsessed with his dog.


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Constantino Khalaf

Nineteen-year-olds are impressionable, and it's at that age that Constantino first read Ayn Rand. By 20, he was a staunch atheist. He came out of the closet at around the same time, and made a life on the East Coast. In the summer of 2011 he left his home in Manhattan, and walked to Alabama. He spent the following year traveling across the United States, and somewhere along the way, he began to pray. He fell in love with the 33-year-old carpenter who died for our salvation, and he is surprised every day by the grace the Lord has shown him.  He is grateful for meeting David, a man who reminded him what it feels like to have kin.

Constantino studied philosophy, classics, and all things American. He practiced journalism for a decade and half before joining the world of LGBTQ Christian advocacy.


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Tonetta Landis-Aina

Tonetta is a graduate of Wesley Theological Seminary and is ordained as a pastor in the American Baptist Churches USA. Currently, she is on the exciting journey of starting a progressive, multiracial church in Washington DC where she lives. Prior to pursuing full-time ministry,  taught literature and composition at the high school level. Her own writing has been featured in Prism magazine and Raw: Finding a Way from Conflict to Revelation.  In her free time, Tonetta enjoys porch-sitting and sweet tea like any good southerner, is an avid reader, and can’t get enough of bumming around the Middle East.


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Melinda Melone

Melinda Melone is one of several queer members of the Church of the Sojourners, an intentional Christian community in San Francisco. She is also a mom, a Montessori administrator and teacher, and a children's/youth ministry veteran. After a 25-year mixed-orientation marriage, she came out more publicly as gay and is committed to celibacy. Recently she has spoken at Revoice and QCF conferences and served on the QCF Side B Advisory. She is the author of "Welcoming Rainbow Kids" in Faith Forward: Children, Youth, and a New Kind of Christianity.


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Brian Murphy

Brian G. Murphy is a co-founder of QueerTheology.com, a resource hub and online community for LGBTQ Christians and straight, cisgender supporters which takes “It’s ok to be queer” as the starting point, rather than the finish line of the conversation on faith, sexuality, and gender and explores how queerness can enrich our Christian faith. Brian is also a certified relationship coach, helping folks navigate and build healthy, faithful open or polyamorous relationships. He studied film production and religion at the University of Southern California, received nonviolence training from civil rights leaders including Rev. Phil Lawson as part of the Soulforce Equality Ride, and has spoken at churches, colleges, and conferences across the country.


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Bukola Landis-Aina

Bukola is a first generation Nigerian-American who was born and raised in Philadelphia, PA. She grew up attending youth group and Pioneer girls in Baptist and nondenominational churches. As a young adult, she was also a member at Pentecostal and Presbyterian churches. Denomination was never a focus for her. Just Jesus. Bukola is a patent attorney, having studied Chemical Engineering at MIT and law at NYU. She was very active in Intervarsity at both schools. She is ordained as a deacon in her church, Riverside Baptist, where she leads the fellowship and social events team.

Joining the organization in 2012, she found a rainbow-hued oasis that reflected the fullness and diversity of the Gospel. Bukola can often be found playing tackle football, skiing, mentoring high-school students, bringing people together, eating skittles, hosting weary travelers and planning her next getaway. She lives in Washington, D.C. with her wife, Tonetta, and their son, Temitayo.


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Shane Bauman

Shane Bauman has been a part of the GCN/QCF community for 11 years.  Soon after connecting with GCN he joined the "Waiting Until Marriage" group and through this group he met his husband David to whom he has been married to for 8 years. For the last 6 years he has been the leader of this group which now operates mainly as a Facebook group with almost 450 members. He is passionate about supporting people as they make decisions about their sexual ethic. He opposes the shame and coercion that are common in purity culture and aims to facilitate discussions about sexual ethics that give people agency and freedom. He is also a leader in Generous Space, a Canadian organization which is quite similar to QCF and an active member of The Living Room, a small independent church in Kitchener, Ontario.


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Sam Locke

Sam re-connected with his faith while in the midst of coming-out, finding strength in Christ’s message of radical love at a time when many find themselves struggling to find a place for God. Working as a fundraising and marketing executive at the Presbyterian Church (USA) at the time, he was drawn into the reformed theology premise that we are chosen by God to be the recipients of unending grace. Since then he has entered the Presbyterian ordination process and is wrapping up his studies at Christian Theological Seminary while continuing to work as a fundraiser.

Sam is a graduate of Indiana University - Bloomington and the University of Wyoming. As a fundraiser, he has raised over $400 million for a variety of faith-based ministries, civil legal aid and political candidates. Sam is a former Air Force officer and was an active Hoosier politician, seeking statewide and congressional offices in the early 2010s.


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Isaac Archuleta

Isaac has spent time as a seminary professor and now owns a counseling practice devoted to the LGBTQIA community and their religious families, specifically to help those navigating the road he’s journeyed.

Isaac’s work focuses precisely on our relational repair – whether that be establishing wholeness within one’s relationship with their self, another, or God. Isaac has a Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. He is invited to speak at conferences, churches, and forums across the nation, contributes to The Huffington Post, and hosts weekend seminars for couples, individuals, and religious parents of children in the LGBTQIA community. He has been featured on National Public Radio (NPR) and comes to Q Christian with a wealth of knowledge. Isaac’s pronouns are he/him/his.


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Nathanial Green

Nathanial was raised in Assemblies of God and nondenominational congregations while attending Lutheran schools in Michigan’s Great Lakes Bay Region. The multiplicity of Protestant perspectives he internalized throughout his childhood gave him respect for the variances in tradition within his own faith. Pursuing a degree in ecclesial music, Nathanial attended and recently graduated from Liberty University, founded by the late Rev. Jerry Falwell, Sr. Between his sophomore and junior years, he realized he couldn’t put the subject off anymore, and through a painful process of growth and discovery, he became affirming of his own sexuality. From that point forward, he began coming out and deconstructing, eventually publicly writing about his experiences while at Liberty from 2017 to 2018.

Nathanial now lives in Nashville, Tennessee, working as the Communications and Operations Specialist for GracePointe Church, a beautiful Progressive Christian community, and as part of the Q Christian team. He and his husband Elliot, a Liberty graduate from the same hall, live just south of the city with their dog and cat.

Q Chats | Moving Beyond Shame | Week 5

Q Christian is a community comprised of people with diverse backgrounds, differing theological beliefs, and a variety of ethics. Q Chats are designed to be a deep dive into self-discovery by learning from one another, and spiritually growing side-by-side. Q Chats cannot be effective without you! We invite you to participate. Share your thoughts, stories, and perspectives. Your influential voice can make a difference in the lives of others.

Want to learn more about the people behind the perspectives? Read more.

Q Chats | Moving Beyond Shame | Week 4

Q Christian is a community comprised of people with diverse backgrounds, differing theological beliefs, and a variety of ethics. Q Chats are designed to be a deep dive into self-discovery by learning from one another, and spiritually growing side-by-side. Q Chats cannot be effective without you! We invite you to participate. Share your thoughts, stories, and perspectives. Your influential voice can make a difference in the lives of others.

Want to learn more about the people behind the perspectives? Read more.

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